我呢,
最近不知道哪里来的勇气,
去考虑了这样一个问题,
我到底还会不会喜欢上别人?
深切探讨后, 我得到的结论是: No
我已经完全的失去了
喜欢上别人的能力
虽然我一直以来
都清楚地知道
自己追求的理想
自己那引以为傲的完美
只不过是一味的狂妄
没有支撑点的力量来源
可是
谁不知道被针刺到的话会痛?
难道知道了就可以不痛了吗?
一样的道理
经过了那很长很长的岁月
就像夹在书本里面的纸张一样
慢慢的开始发黄
越发脆弱
自以为纯白的记忆里面
沾满的是鲜血
没错
怎么看
那都是一个很有幼稚的梦
却是我付出了一切
包括我的灵魂, 生命
为自己绘画的只属于自己的现实
睁开眼睛
什么都不想考虑
只希望可以静静的活下去
好希望可以挖空自己的脑袋
什么都不去想
瘫痪一下
诅咒一下
高高的墙壁
就连阳光都没有办法穿透
一丝光线都不能渗透
这样不也正好吗?
真的搞不清楚
我到底白痴到在跟谁说话?
对我来说
这一切都太耀眼了
耀眼的我什么都没有办法看清楚
甚至无法思考
追赶着消失的地平线
折翼
飞的不顺利
理所当然
理解又怎么样?
改变不了的事实一样是让人心痛
撕心裂肺一样的痛
到底可以跟谁说?
才不会一次又一次
继续的被伤害
变得像过眼云烟一样
一拍即散
请不要认为坚强是我的义务
承受是我的责任
一次吧?
为什么一次都没有
看穿我要对你说的是什么...?
每次都一样
甚至连谎话都不肯对我说
我还能怎样?
从一开始就是我自己的意愿
我到底是在犯什么傻?
凭什么一直再纠缠下去
至少
以什么身份?
Do you ever know
how much effort and tears it take
for me to even simply smile on you everyday? ^ ^
Definitely,
it's not easy
not as you could describe and order me physically.
It's illusion that I created by myself
however,
it's you that lay your hand down
crushed my mind
disillusioned me badly.
Leaving wounds that toughen me
teaching me ways to uphold.
Having a pair of wings
no matter they're black or white
fallen or glorious.
Fly me up high,
together with my dreams,
despite that I carried so much
until me myself has no capability anymore
to load up my dreams.
Such a nice dream
I'm giving out everything I have
every single thing
why can't I stay a bit more logical?
leaving something behind for myself.
Unfortunately,
I'm idiot
it's definite that I will fall down
badly
but I've sent myself to such a distance away from the Earth
I left no choice.
Will I snap off just like that?
Yes, I will.
It's simply the matter of time.
It's no longer anything that I can do,
care or even know of.
It's cold here,
seriously,
trembling cold.
So, save me please...
I'm begging,
to who?
No one.
I know
I always do
It has nothing to do with me
Why the fuck am I caring so much for?
Making myself looks like a total bastard
stupid
idiot
annoying
senseless
I seriously wish so hard to take everything out of my brain
since all I fought for is now dropping to zero
left nothing, slowly
other than wounds
numerous of it
left by tremendous tragedies
Heard nothing
besides stupidity of myself
irritating
falling down for such stupid reason
brainless
at least
I'm hoping that it's me myself that destroy me
not any other people
is it seriously impossible?
after struggling so much with those infinite reasons
the little warm is hurting me
badly
spreading rapidly to my whole body
ending my life little by little
It hurts
really, it hurts so much
sometimes I do wish
hope and also pray
someone protects me
I'm carrying dreams and realities that is far greater than my capacity
I'm now overloaded
there's no way to unload
only destruction waiting ahead
self-destruction
such pathetic
Illusions
Hopes
拿起枪
装上子弹的枪
轻轻地贴近在脑袋旁
亲手扣下扳机
让子弹贯穿我的大脑
停止我的思考能力
静止我的世界
让一起归零
也许
我真的会比较好过一点
Fantasy . Lockheart ❤
