Ranking?

Frequently,
I ask myself,
if there's a ranking system in everyone's heart,
would I even deserved to be ranked?
For sure,
my parents would include me in their ranking,
and I'm pretty sure I would be first or second in their ranking list.
It's meaningless in others mind,
but for me,
my position in someone's heart,
is like almost everything.

I'm a typical Virgo,

I don't make a lot of friends,

but if I do,

they will be the few,

where I share all my heart with,

I gave all my heart in,

but sometimes I can't help but wonders,

do I even matters,

even if I put everything to them,

do they even think of me,

or they do only when they feel like it.

I'm sensitive, I admit,

I always think so much that

sometimes I cannot understand myself,

but what can I do?

When you're holding a cup of warm tea in room,

all alone,

holding the only headphones that never tired of talking to me,

thinking of,

"If ever anyone would find me, if I just gone for nothing".

Afterwards,

I stand up as if nothing happened,

and smile for everyone I care,

I laugh,

I smile,

I cry,

I care,

I hurt,

I'm tired.

When Christmas is near,

there will never be good thing anyway,

if I ever have a chance,

I would hope I can cease to exist for this time.

I just hope,

you're here.

For so long,

I'm weak,

I stay strong for everyone I care,

but I don't know how to be strong for myself.

Collapse in middle of the night,

singing with tears flooding my eyes.

Even so,

I never give up caring,

I never give up smiling.

I hope my care,

can cure someone,

be someone's motivation.

It's so cold,

I cannot hold anymore,

getting freeze deep into heart,

maybe it's time for me to rest.

To stop caring so much,

to stop acting like they would ever put me into their hearts.

Please,

know your own position.

If there's really such ranking system,

I think I'm not even deserved to be ranked,

because I don't know how to be good,

I don't know how to stay close,

despite the fact that I willing to give away everything I could,

I'm just all alone.

Our shadows stretch out on the pavement 
As I walk in the twilight with you 
If we could be together like this forever 
Holding hands 
It's almost enough to make me cry 

The wind grows colder 
I can smell winter 
Soon the season will come to this town 
When I can get close to you 

This moment 
When the two of us cuddle up 
To gaze at the first snow flower of the year 
Is overflowing with happiness 

It's not dependence or weakness 
I just love you 
I thought so with all my heart 

I feel like when I'm with you 
I can overcome anything 
I pray that these days 
Will continue forever 

The wind rattled the window 
The night shakes you awake 
I will change any sorrow 
Into a smile 

The snow flowers fell 
Outside the window 
Unceasing 
And colored our town 
I realized that love means 
Wanting to do something 
For someone else 

If I should lose you 
I'll become a star and shine on you 
I'll be with you even on nights 
When your smile is wet with tears 

This moment 
When the two of us cuddle up 
To gaze at the first snow flower of the year 
Is overflowing with happiness 

It's not dependence or weakness 
I just want to be like this 
With you forever 
I can honestly think that now 

The pure white snow flowers 
Bury this town 
Softly drawing memories in our hearts 
Together forever with you...

I'll keep smiling,

until the day I cannot move anymore,

for all I care,

and maybe one day,

for myself.

-Fantasy.Lockheart-