燃燒的失望, 衍生出來的絕望

沒錯

正如字面上的意思

失望 = 在某種期望的程度上落空

絕望 = 0期望

漸漸的

你的一字一句, 一舉一動看在我眼裡都是有目地的

連跟我說的每一句話

都不是在跟我說話

我一點都不希望這樣

要是我能

睜一隻眼, 閉一隻眼, 該有多好? 

一次又一次, 燃燒我的失望, 引爆我的痛苦

那種烈焰般的失望,

痛苦, 灼熱

也許我已經傻到了一種程度

就算是有企圖都好

你就是你

做的事情, 就是你

但是

也許我錯了

你就是你, 可惜我並不是我

多想, 沉浸在相信的那一刻

永遠都不爬出來

因為

發現的代價實在太大了

我自認承受不起

單單純純的

我就是我

有那麼困難?

漸漸的

開始變成了一種精神折磨

我真的很白痴吧

失去的時候就開始追尋

到了某種程度

發現自己似乎就是在追尋痛苦

Tears splashed all over the keyboard,

millions of words crossing my head,

however,

non of them is typed out..

Why..? 

The sadness is just simply, 

more than any adjective that ever exist..

Just like a jester, 

tired being a joker,

but never stops..

Waiting for the end of a night, 

shinning stars shall calm me..

At least, for the moment 

I forgives myself..

Fantasy . Lockheart 

何必呢?!

Implied Taunt.. Truth VS Evil

It's so ironic..
I didn't care..
Didn't even care whether it is a truth or it is a lie..
It has no twilight side, since it's only a dark side..
I would like to say Thank You..
Expressing my great gratitude, no matter 
it's a truth or it's a lie..
Maybe in this way,
I would have learn to be calm, 
Ignores every taunts, 
Included implied, hidden, and implicit taunts..
However, I still think that 
It's like walking beside a canyon blindfolded..

Sometime,

I   frustrate,

simply because I did something,

but i done it not well enough 

I even frustrate

just because of you..

I wonder,

I curious,

Why am I caring for so much?

My knowledge, my views are all narrow

I did have a strong feeling 

" I have no reason and no excuse to stay behind of you "

However,

the way I talk 

the way I think 

the way I compose 

the way I write

the way I walk 

the way I sleep

the way I read

I found out slowly,

that I have no match of anyone

The strong feeling gone down

I'm helpless, clueless

Leaved alone, have no competitive spirit 

What can I do?

Nothing more

I've to slap myself,

to make this " nothing more "

into a even better " nothing more " 

Yesterday's speaking test

my task was just that easy

but my brain just gone blank

things became out of order, unruled 

Yes, I couldn't finish my task A

I missed my conclusion sentence 

my use of word was immature 

my points are weak 

Yes, I think i failed.

Task B

getting better 

I feel comfort with my group members

I speak quite a lot

Maybe it's just sufficient

My language IS poor, 

fluency of speaking IS damn poor

I have no idea what happened to me

I think 

It maybe something that we always talk about

" Nervous "

It's not first time

I had this feeling 

But this time it's different 

maybe it's simply because 

Nervous in no longer a simple nervous 

it already became a pressure, by summing itself with many other things 

Depressing me everyday

Me

I 

have no idea 

to handle this

I'm not begging for your help

But I'm begging you, 

please 

please 

don't ever ever again,

pierce my heart

I'm a human,

I'll bleed JUST LIKE YOU DO..

Taunts are something that I could handle,

But I couldn't forget...

The Rose of May

A stunning miracle 

Just getting ready 

to unleash it extremely gorgeous

Evil and Beautiful

TRUTH

Fantasy . Lockheart

I'm Sorry...

I wonder and I did curious, 
what i did? and what did i do wrongly? 
I hope, 
I could have 100 me, 
that if I ever ask, : " what you want me to be?! "
and I'll get an answer..

I'm stressed,

indeed I am,

stresses accumulates

day bu day

These stacked up stresses had became a series of

explosive materials

and they are all linked together

That's why

even a single input

impacted a lot

Among so many phrases and expressions

i found out

what i can only do is that

: " I'm sorry.. "

I'm so sorry..

Fantasy . Lockheart

Even a million words I said.

I knew, I understands, and I indeed aware about it.

However, I'm just can't resist on keep falling into these stupid trap.

It's just like, falling into an area of swamp mud, keep falling like no end.

In other words, I'm now maybe insist to make myself suffer. 

Although I do not mean to do so, but involuntary I've did it. 

How could me can be stay cool after doing such stupid things can get seriously hurt? 

It's impossible, everyone knows, it's impossible..

Sometimes i wish,

there is another me,

that another me, will not hesitate to slap me as hard as he can,

and tells me : [ what the fuck are you going to do?! ]

[ Don't you know what will you going to suffer after this?! ]

I'll probably answers I know but i willing to,

so that another slap will come on my face.

Looking out the window,

It's raining,

the sound produced by the dropping rain makes me calm, 

It's so soothing that i could like doing nothing sitting besides the window,

just listening to the sound.

It's calms my mind,

by watching the rain falls drop by drop, 

i could actually rearrange my mind,

with all evidence flashing in mind, 

I will actually think, analyse, and think even more deeply about everything.

It's always a hard time,

when I'm coming to a decision,

since it's always hurt.

Don't let me know even you did,

that you

actually treats me as nothing ^^

Fantasy . Lockheart 

高估 VS 抬举

其实我怕你总夸奖高估我坚忍 

其实更怕你只懂得欣赏我品行 

无人问我可甘心演这伟大 化身

无人及我用字绝重拾了你信心 

你两臂中低得不需要身份 
无
其实我想间中崩溃脆弱如恋人 
谁
在奈被你识穿这个念头 得到好处的你 
明示不想失去绝世好友 

我痛恨成熟到 不要你望著我
没有得你的允许 我都会爱下去 
互相祝福心软之际或者准我吻下
去流泪 
但漂亮笑下去 彷佛冬天饮雪水 
被你一贯的赞许 却不配爱下去 

了解
难怪注定似兄妹一对 
其实
在你悲伤一刻必须解慰找到我乐趣 
我甘於当副车 也是快乐著唏嘘 
彼此这
麼我怕你的好感基於我修养 
其实最怕你的私心亏准我体谅 
无人问我寂寞像投何处去养伤 

相 
无奈被你识穿这个念头 得
原来是我的心境高到变为 偶像 
谁情愿照耀著别人就如 月亮 
为奴婢为你备饭奉茶是残忍
真到好处的你 
明示不想失去绝世好友 
没有得你的允许 我都会爱下去 
互相祝福心软之际或者准我吻下去 

一刻必须解慰找到我乐趣 
我甘於
我痛恨成熟到 不要你望著我流泪 
但漂亮笑下去 彷佛冬天饮雪水 
被你一贯的赞许 却不配爱下去 
在你悲
伤当副车 也是快乐著唏嘘 
彼此这麼了解
让我决定我的快乐 
那须得你的允许 我都会爱下去 
互相祝福心软之际或者准我吻下去 

我甘於当副车 却没法撞入堡垒
我痛恨成熟到 不要你望著我流泪 
但漂亮笑下去 彷佛冬天饮雪水 
被你一贯的赞许 无须装说下去 
在你悲伤一刻必须解慰找到我乐
趣 
彼此这麼了解 难怪注定似兄妹一对 
你的他怎允许 结伴观赏雪的泪 


永不开封的汽水 让我抱在怀内吻下去

有那么一句话

[ 有事钟无艳, 无事夏迎春 ]

反正,

我慢慢的就是那么的随便

是不是, 因为我, 真的从来没有为自己在意的事情发脾气

就要被这样, 随便的对待? 

我不是不在乎, 只是我没有勇气表达我很在乎

最近

发生了好多好好笑的事

KFC事件

我完全整个囧'' 

怎么那么无聊啊 -0-

谁错谁对, 自有分晓

说什么, 恐惧啦, 不再光顾啦

多你一个不多, 少你一个不少 ==

俗话说 : [ 无风不起浪 ]

人家干嘛无端白事打你啊~~

真的是好心, 还要登报纸, 这样那样.. 

我跟我的肚子可能是前世贴错门神

天天都给我问题

一天比一天痛

一天比一天严重

我已经完全  你到底想要我怎样啊?!!]

我已经不吃刺激性的东西了

为什么还是痛

痛得好像在撕心裂肺的那种痛

/.\ 怎么办啊~~~

其实

我就是希望

你不要再当我是钟无艳了

这样的我, 也是人

也会有敏感的时候

也会有闹别扭的时候

并不只是你有

你知道吗? 

只不过

我闹别扭的时候, 你总是不会发现.. 

简单的 : " ^^ 是噢? "

都看不明白?!

都不知道该生气还是着急

既然知道自己的错

发现了问题

为什么

不去面对, 尝试, 解决

而是

肤浅的选择了逃避

而且在逃避的时候

装潢自己

让自己像是离开一样

好心痛

我真的好心痛.. 

Answer me, it's just that simple.. 

Bluff me, if you know that it's necessary..

Tell me, if you know that I already curious although you knew that I will never take care of nothing..

Talk to me, at least once or twice, that I may feel that I'm holding something..

Fantasy . Lockheart