Even a million words I said.

I knew, I understands, and I indeed aware about it.

However, I'm just can't resist on keep falling into these stupid trap.

It's just like, falling into an area of swamp mud, keep falling like no end.

In other words, I'm now maybe insist to make myself suffer. 

Although I do not mean to do so, but involuntary I've did it. 

How could me can be stay cool after doing such stupid things can get seriously hurt? 

It's impossible, everyone knows, it's impossible..

Sometimes i wish,

there is another me,

that another me, will not hesitate to slap me as hard as he can,

and tells me : [ what the fuck are you going to do?! ]

[ Don't you know what will you going to suffer after this?! ]

I'll probably answers I know but i willing to,

so that another slap will come on my face.

Looking out the window,

It's raining,

the sound produced by the dropping rain makes me calm, 

It's so soothing that i could like doing nothing sitting besides the window,

just listening to the sound.

It's calms my mind,

by watching the rain falls drop by drop, 

i could actually rearrange my mind,

with all evidence flashing in mind, 

I will actually think, analyse, and think even more deeply about everything.

It's always a hard time,

when I'm coming to a decision,

since it's always hurt.

Don't let me know even you did,

that you

actually treats me as nothing ^^

Fantasy . Lockheart