Forgiving a smile.

A smile,
a sinful smile,
stole everything away deep inside my heart.
I don't meant to be useless,
but I don't deserve any apologise.
There's nothing I did,
although I could,
but I can't.

It's so hard to believe,

I turn out to be nothing more than a piece of giant junk,

when everyone is becoming crucial in such important time.

Yes,

nothing more than a great lump of rubbish,

that's me.

I will not long for a safety zone,

neither will I seek for shelter.

However,

I'm just that helpless,

that hopeless,

where I can do nothing other than wishing to get helped.

I knew you are special.

Every single smile of you reflects my sin,

every single tear of you reflects my uselessness.

I'm not brave enough to even talk to you at such time,

to express my feeling.

I wanted to say "I'll be here with you, always will do",

especially when I sense the feeling of that helpless,

from you,

from the way you lie on the steering,

lightly pass on time with emotions.

Grieving.

Yet,

you're still worrying about me?

You don't know how hard I pray for you inside my heart,

yes, you, for you.

I rather the one that takes over these stress to be me,

straining myself,

in hope that it will not returns to you.

There's no way for me to escape,

I don't deserve an exit,

I don't worth an apology.

Tracing back,

will only make me loathe myself even more.

I kept silence,

because until now,

besides laying my fingers on the keyboard for this blogpost,

I have no right to say anything.

Fantasy . Lockheart

- I'm the one to say sorry, after all, I just wanted everything good for you -