2013..?

For me,
new year,
countdown,
is nothing more than welcoming myself to age for another one year.
Yeah, so I'm 20 now,
no more 1X.

There's something different this year,

daddy that never cares about any family gathering,

insist to bring me and mommy out to The Mines,

for what reason, I didn't ask.

Again,

I'm immersing too much into my own world,

being selfish.

Anatawo kizutsu shimata wo,

watashi no nozomu janai yo.

When I enter the mall,

the first thing went into my eyes is a pair of shoes,

red one,

Converse.

It costs RM119.90,

I don't really think it worth for this price,

but since it's placed in the display rack of New Arrival,

normally it costs more than it should.

So I didn't buy it!

Although I'm a little bit regret for not buying it.

It's fine,

I've used to this kind of feelings.

Another thing different this year,

I sent a random message to chean chean,

she replied that I can text with her using Whatsapp,

but I'm in car,

and I have no data plan that gives me internet connection wherever I am,

so I replied " later find you",

it actually means I'm going to Whatsapp her as I went home,

but she misunderstood that I wanted to find her, literally. 

However,

I didn't explain,

instead I act like that is what I actually means.

At last,

I end up going her home and have a little countdown session,

which I will never do it if I'm alone,

as usual.

I feel myself being weird recently,

for some reason,

or without any reason,

and I believe everyone around me know that.

I wonder what happened to me,

I parked my car at the parking lot.

Sitting in the car,

took of my seat belt,

but I don't feel like going out of the car.

Instead,

I stayed inside,

switch off my radio,

hands on my steering.

I'm thinking actually,

and I started to laugh,

followed by crying hard,

then finished by laughing again.

Then,

I switch on my radio.

Yes,

I knew what happened to me.

I failed.

I broke someone's faith on me,

again and again.

I failed to be a man.

I failed to act like a man.

I don't want to be abandoned,

but look at what I did?

OMG I'm nothing more than a fool?

I hope I wasn't and I wouldn't be one.

Mommy and I, I fount out that we looked alike when I was cleaning up my picture folders.

I was indulging myself,

too much on memories of the happier days,

missing chances,

to create another happier day.

I'm 20 now,

I seriously hope by this number of age,

I'll changed,

a little bit more matured,

a little bit more stronger,

a little bit more courage in my heart.

I usually set goals,

I try everything to hit it,

but not to achieve in one shot.

That's the way I keep myself moving forward.

Another thing is that,

I never make expectation on my goals,

expectations work nothing on me,

and it mean nothing on me too.

In my own little mind,

I insist that,

those are different,

in many aspects,

and I get upset when people trying to blur the border line of them.

Well,

it's nothing more than my own opinion.

It's now 2:25am ( the moment I type the word "m" )

1st January 2013,

Happy New Year to everyone ^^

also for myself.

Make my wish come true,

let darkness slip aside.

Hiding all our hopes,

mocking all we treasure.

Battles we can win,

if we believe our souls.

Hang in for the light,

till dawn.

Fate will not leave you,

hate will not heal you.

Pray and one day,

peace shall flow everywhere.

Make my wish come true,

let darkness fade to light.

Show me there's still hope,

show me it's not over.

Battles we can win,

our struggle lies within.

Will we live to greet the dawn?

Love will not leave you,

hate will not heal you.

Promise me one day that peace shall reign.

- The Promise -

Fantasy . Lockheart ❤

Happy New Year~

All the best wishes~!